Poison Control

So what happens when you reach a point in your life when you don't know where you are going? When you don't know what you're doing anymore? People don't really make you happy. Classes don't really make you happy. YOU don't really make you happy either. Not for lack of trying. When you just don't know why you're here, what to do, constantly second guessing yourself.
I was so much happier this summer. When I could work outside and it was warm and I felt like I was accomplishing something. Where is any of this getting me? I get a good grade on a quiz or a test, that's it. It's just a good grade. I don't want to be here. I know I'm in some kind of a funk. I probably know why too. I'm stressing and procrastinating and lacking motivation. I'm also not getting any exercise anymore. I think that really helped me lift my mood. I can't stand to "work out". It doesn't accomplish anything, really. Just wastes time. When I was working outside, I was doing just that. Working.
I don't know why I'm so tired either. I'm getting decent sleep. I'm actually getting the same or more as this previous summer, and definately more than last school year. I don't think I'm interested in any of the majors that I had thought about. I don't know what to do with my fiancee anymore. I can't even remember the last time we actually talk talked. I miss him. I miss him so much. But it's either class, schoolwork, tv, or sleep. I hate this... I should be more expressive in my word choice.
Maybe I'm sick... my throat has been sore and I've been tired... that could be anything though. I haven't talked to my best friend in three months. I miss her too. I'm just one big pathetic mess. Yay for pathetic messes.
Sorry about the funk I'm in. I just needed to write. It helps me to sort out my thoughts. I'm always analyzing things. I had an assignment that I did for tomorrow. I was sitting there and reading it through and thinking, Did I do what it says? Should I go back and change it to make it more difficult? It does say to use variety, which usually makes things more difficult. So mine should be more difficult. But difficult for whom? Me? Someone at a different level would find this difficult. I don't know. I know it's not really hard for me. Just a little thinking. But that would mean another half hour of concentration.
And so I decided not to do anything. I don't know. I think I need to go to bed or read more or something.
Here's to a better day tomorrow.

Spammer Blog Crap

I can't believe this! (I know, I'm ranting to myself... it's relaxing...) There is spam on my comments. What shit is this? No more anonymous comments... word verification, here I come! Do they honestly think that I'm going to click on those links? That they're not going to piss me off and only add to my aggrevation?
Do these people even think??!
Argh...

Ambivalence and tattoos

During the randomness that IS my life, I decided that I would join the growing ranks of those inhabitents of the tattoo kingdom. It took me two years to build up the Courage (with a captital c no less) that I would need (and to decide on what I actually wanted), but I did it. See? Well, you can't... see, it's really hard to take a decent picture of the small of your back. Seriously... try it.
Anywho, I'll have my friend or my guy take a picture of it when it heals. It's still red around the lettering (well, I did get it yesterday), and I've been told tales of peeling, the eeetching and the scraaatching, and that I should wait two weeks for the full effect. Great advice guys.
It felt like a really really wet and pissed off cat was trying to murder me. As slowly and painfully as possible. All those big tough guys that say it doesn't hurt and that it's not that bad? They're ALL lying. Through their big manly-men teeth. It's death by needle. Ok, not that bad. I didn't cry. That pillow they let me hug? He's gonna have some stories to tell. I'm actually quite proud of myself. Ladies, trust me. This is not fun. Worth it, perhaps. Fun... no.
I got the motto "Multum in Parvo" which is latin for Much in a Little. Literally Much in little. It's all in the translation. I took latin for three years and checked the phrasing twenty-million times- who wants to put some messed up crap on their body? Anywho, it fits me- I am quite tiny (both height and width wise) and hey, I have to believe that there is something in me. I think it's mostly a self-esteem reminder... not that I'm full of it or anything... I'm becoming incoherent. It's late, and I was up at a party last night... and tonight. God... college.... homework.... death by stress.... :-) and Good Night!

Cheese and Veggies

As of late, I've been addicted. I went out to our friendly neighborhood Applebee's last nite, and instead of a regular "menu item", I ordered myself a side of veggies. They had wayyy too much hot pepper and I had them bring me a new plate, but that's irrelevent. Unless you care that I don't do spicy foods. If I had wanted it compleltely engulfed by pepper I could have accomplished that quite nicely with the pepper they had so kindly placed on our table.
And two days ago, I went grocery shopping. I somehow managed to spend forty dollars on cheese, frozen vegetables, and milk. I think that I'm missing the comforts of home. Every night at supper there were veggies. And we drank milk like I've discovered that most families devour (unfortunately) water. Milk is so much more healthy for you. And I suppose my parents were most fortunate in that all of their children enjoyed veggies. Except for lima beans. Ick.

je ne sais pas ce qui

So here I am, sitting in my pj's (very comfy ones, I might add) and a bathrobe. It's 7:54 in the morning, and I've already started on my first diet (vanilla) pepsi. I'm currently contemplating the merits of getting a tattoo. It'd look cool. I hope. I think that's the only one so far. The cons I have are pain, scabs, money, hating it, having to get it lasered off, a very upset boyfriend, and an unsureness of what exactly is worth all of this to be put on my body. So I think I'm going to leave this pondering for another sort of day.

Brain gender?

Your Brain is 60.00% Female, 40.00% Male

Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female You are both sensitive and savvy Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

What Gender Is Your Brain?